Leading the Way

Posted By Xin-min Lai on Apr 13, 2016 in mental game


I don’t know if it’s just a trend on my little social media feed or if it’s a larger issue, but there seems to be a lot of anti-hater commentary.  It starts with calling someone a hater, even if they just don’t share your enthusiasm.  There’s all the posts and memes about people you should cut out of your life, about how great you are and you should just go find other people like you to be great with.  Because I’m focused on fitness, most of the content I see is fitness related, so I’ll talk about that aspect.

Maybe I’m “too nice” or whatever, but I don’t see the benefit in just shutting people down or cutting them out if they’re not following my lifestyle and interests.  I believe that going through a significant physical change (weight loss, etc) relates to a significant emotional and mental change, which means you become something of a different person.

Guess what, not all of your old acquaintances and friends will LIKE who you are becoming, and it has nothing to do with being a “hater” or being jealous.  Not all people who see your posts about working out or meal prepping are going to enjoy them, and it has nothing to do with trying to keep you down or skinny/muscle-shaming.  It has to do with how you handle your own changes, and the environment you create around yourself with that change.

If your life has changed for the better, it means you have an opportunity now to lead the way for others to change their lives.  Maybe the person who is “hating” just wishes they were more involved in your changes, or were considered more of a part of your new positive life.  Maybe they’re fighting like hell against their own demons and they could use support.

Maybe they’re even doing the same things you’re doing, and it’s not working.  It happens.  Maybe when they focused on exercise and diet, it became destructive for them, and they don’t want it to happen to you.

Regardless of the reason, how you handle “negativity” is part of your transformation process.  It can even be an opportunity to take your commitment to health into a wider arena, and that starts with understanding.  The time you take to understand the driving force behind a person’s reaction to you could be all that was needed for them to recommit to changing their own lives.  Maybe they just needed to be heard and acknowledged.  Or maybe what they have to say will help you in your quest to improve your life.

I’m not saying you have to sit down and chat with everyone who posts a negative comment, since some people just behave that way.  But the opposite direction doesn’t help you or anyone else either.  Only listening to the positive, ignoring all the negative, is NOT how you changed your body.  So take the opportunity for learning and growth that comes with standing out and leading the way.  You will take shit for it – it’s how you handle it that makes you a true leader.

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